


What I'm Trying to Say

by artemisfae



Category: The Blacklist (TV)
Genre: F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-09
Updated: 2015-06-09
Packaged: 2018-04-03 16:07:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4106923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artemisfae/pseuds/artemisfae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lizzington. Post S2 Finale. One-Shot. Light M, but rated it at M just to be sure no one is offended.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What I'm Trying to Say

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bibitta007](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bibitta007/gifts).



> This is a One-Shot, but kind of long! I've never gifted work before and I am more than surprised at the amount of Anxiety this fic caused me.

Elizabeth Keen was a murderer and Raymond ‘Red’ Reddington was a savior. He had been right.

Everything she knew about him was a lie and everything she had come to know about herself was a lie as well.

After she killed the Attorney General of the United States, Liz Keen was swept into hiding by Red.

He left Dembe, his best friend, his brother, on the outside, operating from the fringes, so that Red could personally see to her safety.

Dembe was to make sure that journalists were reporting on the Cabal. The entire premise for Red releasing the information located on the fulcrum was so that they could take the Cabal out via the justice system, with Uncle Sam’s agencies pulling the trigger.

He had explained his plan to her while they were transported out of the country, which was a first. She expected to be totally in the dark throughout the entire process

She knew that he cared for her, as much as he was capable of, in his own way.

Sometimes that way meant killing everyone in sight, but she’s come to accept that and roll with the punches.

They don’t speak much as they travel, both deciding that silence may be best until Red says “You need to know that everything will change. I’ll try to make everything as smooth and easy as possible, but things could get uncomfortable.”

She looked up at him from where she sat beside him while he stood “You need to know that I understand that, but I won’t have you hiding things from me. At this point, knowledge is power and ignorance is death.”

He sighed, but slid his hand over her shoulder and gave a light squeeze “Lizzie, what I’m trying to say is that you need to let me help you. This is my arena. Not a single person in existence knows how to deal with this more than I.”

She laid her hand on top of his briefly “Red, what I’m trying to say is thank you. I appreciate your help, more than you will ever know.”

She had decided that after so long of nothing but accusations and doubt on her end, she would open herself up. She would be less defensive, less accusatory, and try to understand that everything that Red did was with her interests, her happiness in mind.

At this point, all they had was each other and she didn’t want to examine why she wasn’t as bothered by that as she should be.

 

*****

Their safe house only had one bedroom. They shared it tentatively at first. Neither one wanted to be the cause of unnecessary tension. As their familiarity increased, the awkwardness of sharing a bed decreased.

At this point, after months of hiding, she often awoke with Red’s arm around her. Other mornings, he would be facing away from her and she would have one leg hiked over his hip and he hand tucked between his side and his arm.

He never said a word of complaint, or even to acknowledge their nocturnal habits so she didn’t say anything either. It was just an unspoken arrangement. One that Liz secretly coveted.

 

 

 

In their boredom they quizzed each other relentlessly. They knew the favorites, firsts, and idiosyncrasies of the other.

The type knowledge that only comes from living in close proximity with another.

She knew that Red, for all of his perfectionism in dressing and organizing his possessions, squeezed toothpaste from the middle of the tube. It drove her crazy.

She knew that he hated having bare feet. Whether a habit from a life on the run, or pure preference, he had to have socks on, at the very least slippers, at all times. She knew that in the mornings he peed sitting down while reading the paper.

She found that out by sleepily walking in on him one morning. She was mortified. He, however, was cool as a cucumber and just stared at her over the top of his reading glasses, one eyebrow quirked, and asked “Did we forget our knocking skills back in the bedroom?”

She always remembered to knock now, no matter how badly she wanted it to happen again.

She also knew that he cared for her with a selflessness that took her breath away. Everything he did, was to make her happy.

She not only gained knowledge of Red, but of herself as well. She thought about him all the time. She tried to distance herself, but all she had to do was think about the look on his face when she told him that she remembered what he had been protecting her from and her heart melted all over again.

He was so damn funny. So very animated and entertaining that she was surprised that it took as long as it did to be devoured by his charisma. He told her story after story. So many, that she could probably piece together a timeline of his whereabouts for the past three decades.

He asked about her dreams, her life goals. Not out of boredom, but out of genuine curiosity. She could honestly say that she knew the real Raymond Reddington and he was amazing. Watching countless animal documentaries, she knew that he had memorized the numbers to donate money to them. He also got this wide, joyous smile when babies were on television. There was a ‘funniest video’ show on and although it was on a channel that wasn’t in English, he laughed at their antics so loudly, she didn’t think she’d ever seen him so amused.

He’d explain to her what the narrator was saying, but she wasn’t really watching the television anyways. She was watching him and his facial expressions. His comments were all Red, so she knew he was narrating his own words, rather than the actual narrator’s.

She knew she had fallen for him. And she didn’t care one bit. She knew that he felt that he was somehow unworthy of love, but she would convince him that he was everything that she needed. And she’d start with dancing lessons.

 

******

 

Red had thought he knew everything that was Elizabeth Keen. He had not thought it possible to fall in love any more than he already was, but he was so very wrong.

He knew that she was a total slob when it came to changing her clothes in the evening, but hated when the toothpaste was squeezed from the middle. He honestly had no preference, but her reaction was so funny that he continued to do so just to needle her.

He knew that she sang in the shower. At first, she’d try to keep it too low for him to make out the tune, but would become so engrossed in the song she would lose all pretense of silence. He also knew that Lizzie was a terrible singer, but she was so happy during those moments of unfettered joy, he wouldn’t care if she ruptured both of his eardrums to achieve it.

She’d asked him for formal dancing lessons. Surprise didn’t begin to cover his shock at her request.

He secretly lived for those nights. He’s certain that Lizzie knew that, but wasn’t too worried because his secret smile was always mirrored on her face.

He felt her heart face underneath his palm. The pink blush in her cheeks that she couldn’t mask every time he stepped a little too close. The hitch in her breath when he held her close.

His Lizzy wanted him. Of that he was certain.

Seeing himself through her eyes, the happiness that he could bring to her life gave him hope. Hope that he was not too far gone, that he had something to offer her other than a life of pain and heartache.

He wanted so badly to see what type of relationship they could have. She may not love him, but she cared for him, wanted him, and that was something he could work with.

 

*****

For now, they were as safe as they could be and Red had decided they could get out of the house every now and again. They were both stir crazy and needed to get away from the steadily shrinking walls of their abode.

The tension was climbing again, but not from awkward discomfort. He was so flirtatious all of the time now, but would back off just as quickly, giving her mixed signals.

She wanted so badly to confront him, to just tell him to shut up and kiss her, tell him that he was driving her insane and what she, wanted and needed was not a friend, but a lover. A partner.

 

*****

 

One night, Red decided to take her dancing. She was more than happy to dance with him in private, but he wanted to take her out and show her a good time. More than a little apprehensive, she hated the thought of sharing Red with anyone. He’s been all hers for so long, that returning to reality and sitting among a large crowd of people, even for a night, was unwelcome.

Red said that they needed a change of scenery, to get out and see something other than their little world.

So he’d arranged to spend the night at an exclusive hotel that was host to one of the most popular bars in the city. She wasn’t a clubbing kind of girl, but she trusted Red. He wasn’t exactly the clubbing type either.

She really shouldn’t have been surprised. The club was classy in the extreme. There were younger people there, but also some much older than Red as well. The music was an eclectic mix that ranged from slow Jazz to something that sounded like Latin, but with a heavier beat. None of the music was in English, but none of that mattered. She was with Red and that was enough to make her evening perfect.

“I’ll be right back sweetheart.” He hugged her to his side and kissed her temple. She watched as Red walked up to the DJ, spoke in his ear, and handed him a bill.

Instead of returning to her side, he walked out into the middle of the dance floor and motioned for her to join him. The song changed, but her eyes were solely trained on Red.

He was so handsome, she couldn’t refuse him. His dark blue suit so elegantly tailored, his fedora so rakishly slanted across his forehead, perfectly mirrored his personality. She was glad that she’d chosen to wear a dress and low heels, rather than slacks. She had wanted to look beautiful for him. Wanted him to be proud to be seen with her.

She knew she had succeeded when his pupils widened as she swayed her hips with a feline grace and took his hand as she reached his side.

His other hand skimmed her side sensually, finally resting at her waist. At first, she felt self-conscious. For all their practice, they’d only ever danced together in public during the Madeline Pratt fiasco, and that was only for a few seconds.

The song was so fluid, so seductive, it didn’t take long for her unease to evaporate. She looked into his eyes, didn’t think about the moves, fell into step beside him, and just let him lead.

They twirled and glided, both keeping a proper distance from each other as the dance required. The distance didn’t last as she grew more confident in her moves.

All too soon, the song ended and transitioned to another with a scattered applause from the other patrons of the club. She moved away from him, but Red didn’t release her hand. He pulled her to him and whispered “Again.”

Without a will of her own, she fell into step with him as a new song began, totally under his spell.

Their connection, their chemistry, was a like hotline to her soul. This had been building for so long, she knew then that this night was the beginning. Of what she had no idea, but she was going to go along for the ride.

Her heart raced, not from their dance, but from the heat between them. She held nothing back, turning, rubbing her hips against his as if he was her lover, not just her protector or her friend.

As the second song finished, she ended up in his arms and plastered to his side, her head on his shoulder. The other patrons of the bar cheered, hooting their approval.

She finally straightened and looked him in the eye. He held up one finger. _One more,_ he mouthed. She nodded breathlessly. She couldn’t deny him, even if she wanted to.

The audience saw and went wild. The small gathering of people had grown, perhaps drawn by the earlier applause. Liz blushed but never took her eyes off of Red. He seemed to be just as enthralled as she was.

She knew what dance he wanted. _The tango._ She set her feet and took his hand. She decided that she would play it up for him with everything she had. Her steamy, sexually fueled tango was for him and no one else.

At one turn, she was plastered against his side after a spin and she knew she didn’t imagine the hard bulge of him pressed into her hip.

When their dance ended, she gripped his hand tight and dared him to let go. He pulled her to him then, kissing her long and deep. He greedily devoured her. It was like nothing she ever imagined. For a moment, she let herself go, forgot reality, pulled him impossibly close and kissed him back.

He pulled away with a gasp, held her by the elbow, and led her from the hotel bar to the elevators.

He pushed the button and held her close. He looked placid, like a man simply waiting patiently, while her chest still heaved and the fire raged within. Until the elevator door closed and he was on her again. He pressed her to the wall, lifted her leg to wrap around his hip, and moaned when he found her center. “Lizzie, you’re so wet for me.”

With one hand on her breast, he pressed on her clit and it wasn’t long before he was swallowing her orgasm with his kiss.

By the time their elevator had stopped on their floor, Liz’s feet were no longer touching the ground, her legs wrapped around Red’s waist.

When the doors opened, he didn’t let her go, just walked out of the elevator car and to their room, his lips still nibbling on her neck. Liz didn’t even notice the shocked gasps of an elderly woman who was waiting to load into the elevator car.

Her only focus was Red and how he made her feel like she was burning from the inside out. She could barely breathe, let alone think.

He pressed her up against another wall “Lizzie, I need… we… the key.”

She took the hand that had made its way into his shirt and patted him down. She finally located the damn thing inside of his suit pocket.

“I can’t… findthelock, ohmygod!” He nipped the side of her neck, right underneath her ear and it drove her insane.

“Never mind, Red. I’m good. We don’t need to go in. Right here’s fine. Swear.”

He was in the process of baring her right breast when he raised his head, looking around as if confused as to what’s going on.

He put her down and she was pretty sure that she was going to cry. He was stopping. He’d changed his mind.

He took the card from her hand and put his arm around her. He ushered her inside “Nobody is going to look at you but me.”

And then she found herself up against the wall again. She immediately knew just how she wanted him, where to rest her legs at above his hips so his arousal was pressed into the most sensitive part of her. It didn’t take long to get right back where they began.

She couldn’t get enough of him, but she wanted this to be perfect. To be different than anyone before her. An idea struck. She tore at his tie, loosening it just enough so that she could lift it up over his head but she didn’t let go of it yet, just let it fall over her wrist.

She pushed him back slightly so she could put her feet back on the ground and kept her arm extended to separate them temporarily.

He stepped back, one eyebrow raised in question.

“Just wait.” Was that really her voice? It was so low, so seductive that she could have been on the cigarette and curlers end of a one-nine-hundred number.

She let her dress fall to the floor, Red having been so kind as to unzip it for her sometime between the elevator and here.

She stood before him in just a scrap of panties and heels, his tie still around her wrist. She took it and slipped it around her neck and shook her hair out over the top of it.

Red growled “You are so lovely, Lizzie.” And moved to hold her again, but she stepped back. She wanted to look at him. His clothes were hanging, buttons sacrificed when she ripped his vest and shirt apart. His hat was still on his head but barely.

She reached forward and snatched the fedora off of his head and deposited it on her own.

Red’s eyes squinted, but he didn’t make another move towards her. She turned from him then, giving him a full view of her backside that she knew looked stellar in her heels.

She paused and looked over her shoulder “What, don’t you like my outfit?” She started walking towards the open bedroom, and looked behind her too see that Red was stalking towards her like a tiger after his prey. Her heart beat, already racing, seemed to skip a beat as a pure feminine apprehension filled her. Had she pushed him too far?

She stopped and looked at the bed, perfectly made up, but she was suddenly unsure of herself. Red was so much more experienced and she knew she had no business trying to play femme fatale.

He came behind her then. His hands cupping her breasts from behind. He lightly pinched and pulled as he said low in her ear “My hat and tie never look that good on me. I think we’ll have a new rule. You don’t get to wear any clothing but mine from now on.” He sucked on her neck to emphasize his words.

“Whatever you say, Red.” She slid off her panties, bending low to give him a show. His answering groan was accompanied by him stepping close to press his erection against her.

“What? I’m just…following the rules.” She reached behind her back and grabbed him through his pants.

He hissed in a breath “I think you’ve teased me enough, don’t you think?”

Lifted into the air suddenly and put on the bed with his body pressing down on top of her. His shirt was off, his pants were off and he was left in only his undershirt and his boxer briefs.

He was wedged into the cradle of her hips and kissed her as if she were oxygen. “Red, I’m so ready for you, please.” She was not too proud to beg. She needed him that badly.

“Patience, Lizzie, patience.” He kissed down her neck and sucked an already hardened nipple into his mouth.

“I can’t take this anymore! I need you.” She had no idea what had come over her,

She pushed at him then. If he wasn’t going to get with the program, then she was going to take matters in to her own hands.

By taking him into her hand. She used the space between them to reach for him, make a tight fist around him that made him hiss in his breath.

“Boxers off. Now.”

He complied and crawled on top of her once again. He kissed her with a gentleness that told her without words, how much she meant to him. Seconds later they were one. It was fire, it was ice. It was life and death rolled into one moment where no worries existed, nothing else mattered but the world they created. A world where they were just a man and a woman so in love that nothing could prevent them from spending the rest of their lives together. It was everything. He was everything, and she had no idea what she would do if she ever lost him.

 

*****

 

The next morning, Red woke to Lizzie wrapped around him so tightly that they may as well be fused together for all the space they had. He had a pressing need of the restroom, but had absolutely no desire to move. They were a sticky, sweaty mess and Lizzie would be horrified when she woke up. He chuckled softly just thinking about her reaction to him seeing her in what she would perceive as ‘less than perfect’.

He would remember their first night together for the rest of his life. He had turned to her time and again to feel the passion, the pure magic between them. In his admittedly vast experience, he’d never felt such a powerful connection. If she was going to wake up and decide that she didn’t want this, want them, then he was going to take advantage of every second of time she gave him. That might make him a bastard, but he came to terms with that fact long ago.

Lizzie stirred against him, stretching like a cat. He started to run his hands along her side from her hip to her breast “Don’t even think about it. Aren’t you…tired?” she asked without even opening her eyes.

She was so adorable he took pity on her. He turned his body from underneath hers “You’re in luck. We old men are notoriously easy to tire out.”

She snorted “Tell that to the machine that took me to bed last night, because I don’t think he received the memo.” He smacked her behind lightly before he turned towards the restroom. He closed the door behind him to the sound of her outraged squeal.

 

*****

She went after him, paying him back as he walked by with a smack that hurt her much more than it probably did him since he laughed and her hand stung like crazy.

When she came out, she flopped down indelicately on the bed and covered her torso with the sheet.

She laid on her side and he mirrored her position facing her. Her stomach clenched with anxiety at what needed to be said. “Are we really going to do this? _Can_ we even do this?”

His face was a somber mask as he quietly replied “I’d like to. I think that we have been through so much that if you are willing to give us a chance, I most certainly am prepared to do so as well.”

She grabbed his hand, held it tight to support her next words “I need you to know that I am all in though, Red. You can’t change your mind one day because you need to protect me. If something happens, then we will work together to take down the problem.”

He hated the idea of her being in more danger, but swallowed the knot in his throat “Agreed. You need to know that if thought that I was protective and slightly overbearing before, you haven’t seen anything yet.”

She rolled her eyes and moved closer into his space, cupped his cheek. “Red, what I’m trying to tell you is that I love you.”

He pressed his lips to hers in a rush, just a quick peck before he pulled back to look into her eyes “Lizzie, what I am trying to tell you is that I love you more.”

 

**The End**

**Happy Hiatus Bibitta007!!!**

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think, please!


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